How to get your confidence back

(If anyone knows, please leave a message!)

Last time I wrote about my job search, I went on a bit about how soul destroying the whole process was. Well, is. But I also mentioned that an agency phone call that gave me a little bit of hope that I was not as useless as I had been thinking I was. And I also mentioned I had booked a Revit course.

The course was last Tuesday, and I have to say it has been the biggest confidence boosting thing I have done in a very long time. First, because it was my first proper outing, by myself, outside of my little neighbourhood. I hadn’t gone north of the M4 yet, and as I drove there, it was much less daunting than thinking about it. It’s an anxiety thing, I guess. Pre-driving-to-unknown-places anxiety. I won. Then, there was the course. And, again, I was not as useless as I thought I would be. I am actually pretty clever. The course went very very well, in a great pace, as there were only two of us learning, and I left feeling really accomplished.

To top it all, the instructor, who is also an architect, said I was great, and really good ideas who would have thought?. That I should download Revit and practice everyday. I was so happy with the feedback that I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t own a PC… I will investigate installing Windows on my ancient mac.

So today I was thinking about it all. About how being outside of the workplace and outside your profession undermines your confidence. See how many simple, normal things I was scared/anxious about: driving to an unknown place, learning something that should be easy for me, interacting with other adults with, presumably, the same level of intelligence as me.  Makes me feel a bit ridiculous but maybe recognising it could be the first step towards changing my own behaviour and thoughts? I think I learned something like this at therapy. Now I am semi confident that I would be able to get a job and not make a complete fool of myself, so thank you Mr Instructor.

Now I am trying very hard not to get anxious about the house buying thing – if everything goes right, this time next week we will have keys to the new place. I am accumulating samples and should be doing some mood boards at some point this next week, so stay tuned!

(I can’t believe I nearly failed my own challenge on the second day! Shame on me!)

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